Communication Differences Related to Gender

My boyfriend, George,  and I experience breakdowns in communication or differences in our understandings of communication every once in a while and it’s always concerning something different.  I’m not saying that my boyfriend and I fight or disagree all of the time; it is just that we sometimes view communication in different lights with different intents or purposes, or we simply just communicate in different ways.

There have been plenty of instances where I have been babbling for minutes on end about something I found particularly interesting in my day, while my boyfriend will be staring outside or at our dogs the entire time.  I assume that he is not even trying to listen to, but when I ask him if he was listening to what I said, he can repeat everything stated, and almost word for word.  Men and women simply have different ways of communicating as well as different expectations for a conversation.  In this instance, I assumed that if my conversational partner was listening intently, I would be receiving feedback throughout my story.  We are all used to receiving feedback in a one on one conversation, and if this characteristic of conversation is not met it may seem awkward or often as an “unwanted” conversation. This was, however, not the case.  In peer groups of boys, eye contact and feedback are not as frequent during conversation as they are in peer groups of girls.  These groups of separate genders have “different organizational structures and interactive norms,” (Tannen 241).

I remember conversation difficulties that my parents used to experience when I was younger.  My mom, who is a 2^nd grade teacher, obviously loves chatting when she comes home from school because she can talk to people other than 2^nd graders (which she also loves, of course).  My father, on the other hand, enjoys quiet company from my mother after a long day of work, because as an insurance salesman, he is constantly meeting with clients, on the phone, writing e-mails, or some other form of communication.  I think also there is a fundamental difference in need for a friend to conversate with between the sexes. As women concern “bonding” by conversation, as stated by Tannen, “What is important is not the individual subjects that are discussed but the sense of closeness, of a life shared, that emerges when people tell their thoughts, feelings, and impressions,” (Tannen 242).    This same goal is achieved by men, but in a different way.  According to Tannen, bonds that are formed by males, are often based on doing things together.  As you can see, there is a fundamental difference in expectations of conversation between the sexes. 

For issues regarding communication between women and men, my boyfriend and I, and my parents to be resolved, there has to be a mutual understanding and respect between both sexes.   By simply putting the facts of difference in communication out there, the likelihood of understanding something an unintended way  is not very probable.